Being in Community

I have been on what seems like a
long journey to getting to a place where I don’t need all the answers in a
“black and white” way.  Know what I
mean?  When I ask somebody a question I
want a “yes” or a “no.”  I certainly don’t
want a “maybe.”  After I transferred to Seattle Pacific University,
I began to grow strong in my faith, which is great because that’s the reason I
transferred to SPU in the first place. 
But by the beginning of fall quarter ’07, I felt as if I needed proof
that God really existed.  I wanted
logical, direct answers to my questions. 
I ended up in a core Philosophy class that SPU requires all students to
take.  It was a Philosophy class on
faith, science, and how the two work together. 
The professor was phenomenal at presenting all arguments
objectively.  We talked about the
different aspects of evolutionary theory and creationism, the problem of evil,
free will and divine providence, and the like. 
Besides looking at all these different parts of philosophy, by
discussing these topics with my classmates I received answers to all my
questions about the parts of my faith I had been struggling with.

The class ended.  Life went on. 
Winter quarter was easy.  I had
time to sleep, time to read books (other than textbooks), time to be with
friends, and time to be alone….However, in the midst of last quarter I found
myself unsatisfied, again, with what I believe. 
(In retrospect I laugh, because it’s so obvious to me why I was
struggling.) Anyway, my spirit felt dry, and I was frustrated with everything
and everybody in my life, Christians and Pagans alike. 

At the beginning of this quarter, I
began another class that SPU requires on Christian Scripture.  At first I hated studying the Bible, because,
well, it’s crazy!  Crazy things happen in
the Old Testament (and in the New Testament, but we’re studying the Old
Testament right now).  I kept thinking to
myself, “This can’t be right.  Why would
God, who is outside of time, think to create the world as we know it for now
reason?  This can’t be real.”  As thoughts such as this one came into my
mind I was persuaded by them, while at the same time I knew that what I believe
is true.

Then, one day as I was working on
extensive study notes for this class (that are required three times a week), I
was talking with my friend, Mike, about all these doubts and struggles I was
experiencing.  You must know one thing – Mike
and I have known each other for a very long time, and since we’re so
comfortable with each other he started laughing, and I didn’t appreciate
it.  He told me, “Megs, I’m laughing only
because you’ve been through this before, it’s normal, and you know that what
you believe is right.”  I stopped,
considered what he said, and realized he’s totally right!  Mike is right.  These doubts and struggles are normal.  I also realized that being in community and
speaking openly about where I am in my faith with friends like Mike is a great
way for me personally to keep Satan’s voice in my head as quiet as
possible. 

You may be struggling with your
faith.  You may even be doubting it.  It’s okay. 
It will never stop being okay. 
God never said this journey
that we’re all on together is going
to be easy.  So, please if you’re having
a difficult time believing in the reality of God, talk to somebody, and be
assured that your faith is alive and working in your heart.